In Memory of Mom

To take a self-indulgent break from the theme I think is OK since after all this is my blog. I am a creature of habit that can be stubborn to change. I was feeling a bit down today and when I got home I turned on the TV and one of my mother's favorite movies was starting on TCM. It was showing without commercials so I settled down and watched.

The movie was Fiddler on the roof. If you are not aware of this movie it is about the traditional Jewish family life in a small village in Russia's era of change from rule of the Czars. Of coarse this had much sentimental value to my mother and myself as her grandfather my great-grandfather told us stories of the old country and the difficulties of that time. The music of the fiddle represents tradition and to me the suffering of the Jewish people for centuries. So I find myself crying from the start of this movie all the way through and it is a long movie. If you know me crying is not one of my traits. Self examination is! So why am I crying?

I deduced that my tears are coming from the pain my brothers and sisters have endured for years. I know the history of my people and wonder how we are still alive today. All the invasions of ancient Israel and the dispersion of the people. The rape of our women and slavery and brutality of conqueror after conqueror. Then having been labeled Christ Killers we were blamed for everything bad under the sun in Europe and the atrocities of Germany, Russia, Spain and even the great land of America. As sad as all those events were and still are that was not why I was crying.

I find that my body was telling me Saturday is my mothers birthday. That is also the same time of year in which she died a horrible slow painful death from cancer. It will be the 10th year without her and I find myself still missing her. How foolish it may seem for a 41 yer old man to be crying at a musical and missing his mother but that is the reality of my day. I see so much of my mother alive today in her grandchildren and even in me. I hope if you are reading this and are touched in some way that you take the time to call your mother if she is still alive today. If you are like me and have lost your mom take comfort that Jesus said that he would not leave us as orphans! I hope that I can honor her memory with the way I live and share what she had given to me with all those that will listen. So if you see me in the next few day's and see a tear still in the eye you'll know why.....Miss ya Mom! Love, Brian